A Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, ‘Mary, why didn’t you
raise your hand?’
‘Because I’m not a Liverpool fan,’ she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, ‘Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?’
‘I am a Man Utd fan, and proud of it,’ Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. ‘Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Man Utd fan?’
‘Because my mum is a Man Utd fan, and my dad is a Man Utd fan, so I’m a Man Utd fan too!’
‘Well,’ said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, ‘that is no reason for you to be a Man Utd fan.
You don’t have to be just like your parents all of the time..
Mary smiled, ‘I’d be a Liverpool fan.
GK sits with his head in his hands as manager lambastes team
for returning to the dressing room 7-0 down after 45 minutes. As the manager
turns on the GK his head slips through his
hands! True story.
Theft at Villa Park
home of Premier League Aston Villa. All
the trophy room contents have been stolen.
Police are looking for local thieves with a claret and blue striped
carpet.
Supporter approaches teams young goal keeper after yet
another hammering. ” I’ve been watching you play son, and I may be able to
help?”
”Are you a GK coach?”
”No” replied the supporter, ”bit I’m a very good
optician.”
Three old men are
praying in church. The first old man
asks God when England will win the World Cup. ‘
Within 5 years says
God’ ‘But I’ll be dead by then’ says the old man.
The second old man
asks when asks ‘when will Manchester Untd next when the European Cup?’
Within 10 years’ God replies. But I’ll be dead by then’ says the old man.
The third old man
asks God ‘when will Everton next win the Premier League?’
‘Sorry,’ replies God,
‘I can’t answer that one. I’ll be dead
before that happens.’
Two old men are watching Manchester Untd play at Old
Trafford. One asks the other, ‘will
their be football in heaven do you think?’
A year later, after the first mans death, the second man gets a call
from his friend in heaven. ‘It’s great
here, everyone plays football all day.
By the way bring your boots your on next weeks team sheet.’
Refereee walks out
onto the pitch with a suppository behind his ear. Player asks the referee if he is aware of the
suppository behind his ear. ‘No’ he replies, ‘but thank you for pointing it
out; I know were my pen is now.’
It’s a cup tie with10
minutes to go, Nottingham Forest are down 1 – 0 and they’ve used all their
subs.
For once in his life Stuart Pearce, one of the hard men of
football comes off second best in a tackle.
The physio runs on the pitch to look at him and shouts back
to Cloughie …… ‘He can’t go back on, he’s taken a knock to the head and he
doesn’t know who he is.’
Cloughie replies ….’that’s great… tell him he’s Pele and
stick him up front.’
Martin O’Neill (present Celtic manager), was furious at being dropped
into the reserves and he fronted Cloughie to ask why he was playing for the
reserves.
He responded:
"It’s quite simple, young man, you’re far too good to play for the third
team!"
www.brianclough.com
You are trapped in a room with a Skunk, a Tiger and a
Manchester Untd fan. You have a gun and 2 bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the Manchester Untd fan twice!
For Sale.
One bandwagon. Red
and white livery, very spacious.
Inscribed on one side
with "Greatest English Side Ever".
Can easily
accommodate most of the English media and assorted ex-professionals.
Reliable throughout
the winter, the wheels have a tendency to fall off every April.
All enquiries to
A.Wenger, Arsenal FC
Courtesy Queensland Australia, Futsal News
Letter
For Sale…One Arsenal
Radio. Good Volume and Bass….No treble
Courtesy Queensland Australia, Futsal News Letter
Alex Ferguson, Pele
and Arsene Wenger are out fishing in the middle of a lake. Alex looks to the
other and says “ I’ve run out of scotch” and then gets out of the boat and
walks across the water to land, gets his bottle and walks back.
Two hours later Pele
looks up and says “ I’ve run out of Cachaca, so I’m going to get some more.” and
gets our of the boat, walks across the water, gets his Cachaca (only the best
Minas Cachaca) and walks back.
Arsene Wenger watches
this and thinks “ If they can do it so can I”, so announces to the others “ I’m going to shore to get a bottle of the best
French Drambuie “. He steps from the
boat and goes head first into the water and drowns.
Pele looks to Alex
and says, “ Do you think he knew where
those stepping stones were?”
Courtesy Queensland
Australia, Futsal News Letter
It’s United versus
Arsenal in London, in the big game of the year. Paul Scholes turns to his mates
and says, “ Listens guys, stay at home. Arsenal are that bad I can beat them by
myself”. The players decide why not and
leave Scholesy to play Arsenal by himself and they jet off the Vanuatu for a
weeks holiday.
On the day of the match they head to a local bar and leave
the local TV station on that gives regular update of results. Sitting at the
bar, the first result comes through. After 5 minutes United up 1-0, goal to
Scholes. The Red Devils are cheering, knowing Scholesy is taking them on by
himself.
Half time comes and its still 1-0 …can he hang on? Ninety
minutes gone and still one nil, the atmosphere in the bar is electric. Suddenly
the screen comes up Arsenal scored in injury time …final score 1-1. a great
result with Scholesy taking on Arsenal by himself !!
On return to England, Scholes meets the players at the
airport, crying his eyes out. What’s the matter asks his team- mates?
‘I let you down ‘ says Scholes “ I let you down”. “No you didn’t’ scream the other players ‘
you played Arsenal by yourself and drew “.
“ Yes” said
Scholesy “ but I was sent off in the
tenth minute.”
Courtesy Queensland Australia, Futsal News Letter
Dave and Charlie are
the best of mates and have been playing in the over 50’s league at Acacia Ridge
for years together. On top of playing they also have the unfortunate
distinction of being the centre judiciary, handing out the punishments for unruly
behavior.
One Thursday night
Charlie gets sent off for swearing at the ref, and Dave going to his defence,
gives the ref a mouthful as well and is also sent off. Judiciary hearing night
is Mondays and both the boys duly turn up for their hearing. Dave says to
Charlie ‘ As we are the only judiciary
members, I’ll hear your case first, give you your sentence, and then you hear
mine. ‘
“ Agreed “says
Charlie.
Dave takes the bench and hears the charges of
swearing at the referee. “ How do
you plead? “ asks Dave
“ Guilty” says Charlie
“ I hereby give you one weeks suspension from
all games. “
Charlie then takes the bench for Dave’s
case. After hearing the charges he asks
Dave “ How do you plead?”
“Guilty” says Dave.
Fine, I hereby give
you five weeks suspension from all games. “ says Charlie.
“ Your right” says Charlie “ but this is the
second case of swearing this judiciary has heard tonight, and its time we made
an example of someone to stamp out this behaviour!”
Courtesy Queensland Australia, Futsal News
Letter
Well Dave and Charlie have got to 75 and they are still
running around at Acacia Ridge.
Sharing a powerade after a strenuous game, Dave says to
Charlie “ Charlie we’ve been mates for years and we are both getting towards
the end of our time. I want to make a pact with you. Whoever dies first will
promise the other one to come back and tell them what Heaven is really like.”
“ Agreed” says
Charlie.
Six months later Charlie dies in his sleep and goes to
Heaven. At his funeral Dave reminds him of what their agreement was.
One night Dave is awoken by the rustling of the curtains. He
looks up and Charlie has returned
“ So” says Dave “ what’s heaven like?”
“ Well there’s good
news and there’s bad news”, says Charlie.
“The good news is that we have futsal training every morning
and afternoon and there is a Futsal superleague with Athletico, Malwee, Chengdu
and Vikings all in it, and Vikings are top of the league! All the other clubs
famous old star players are in it !”
“Fantastic” says
Dave “ and what’s the bad news?”
“ Your in the
starting line up next Monday against Manchester United.”
At a local derby
between Arsenal and Spurs last season, a spectator suddenly found himself in
the thick of dozens of flying bottles.
‘There’s nothing to
worry about, lad,’ said the elderly chap standing next to him. ‘It’s like the
bombs during the war. You won’t get hit unless the bottle’s got your name on
it.’
‘That’s just what I’m
worried about,’ said the fan. ‘My name’s Johnny Walker’
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